Two unsatisfying visits with mom this week. First time she was asleep and I didn't wake her. Sleep is good, but she didn't get to see me and chat a bit. Second visit was the busiest most chaotic I've seen her memory wing social circle. Aides were helping people walk in and out of the circle, mattresses were moved out of one room into another, a male aide was pushing a wheelchair with two oxygen tanks on it - taking empty ones out and bringing full ones back in, I guess.
Birdie can't walk without help now, and seems seriously disoriented. I had to work to get her attention and give her my usual finger-fluttering wave, but when she finally got it she broke into a big smile. I don't know why they were taking mattresses out of Lilia's room and moving them into Lana's, but all this was happening within a few feet of where the Activity Lady was trying to engage the residents in looking at spring buds on her plant stems.
Mom was distressed with all the action and distraction. She waved her hands in the air signalling it was all too much. I told her everything would be fine, and that I was going back to my office. The Activity Lady nodded to indicate it would be good for me to go, as it would reduce her demand for attention.
I lugged the big bag of laundry out of there and came home to write the newsletter for my professional group - an enjoyable activity for me.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
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2 comments:
Hi Laurie.
I don't know why I haven't seen this before, but I have you in my sites now.
It has been 18 months since my mom passed and I miss her deeply...dementia and all. It turns out that missing her has been harder than caring for her ever was. Even in her dementia, she was always pleasant and always knew me (thanks to a drug) even though she used to forget and call me "Mom" periodically. She also had Borderline Personality Disorder and I had decades of crap to work through from that nightmare. Alley cats had better parenting skills than my mom ever did, but I still loved her. It was only in those final years with her that I realized how deeply she loved me and I finally stopped resenting her for screwing up my life. It was only in caring for her that I learned so much about myself. When you are in the middle of that downward slide, you can be so wrapped up in your own life and managing hers that you can't see what this time offers you. For me, those 5 years of caring for her were a priviledge and an honor. In the end, I am glad I did it.
While you wonder how long this will all last, consider that this is a very special time that you have left with her.
If there is anything I can do to support you, please let me know.
Thanks Karen. It's hard for me to get that this is a special time. Honestly, I realized a few years ago that I missed her, when I couldn't tell her about something I knew she would have enjoyed if she weren't mentally gone. So I've said my goodbyes and am waiting for her to do the same.
You really put your situation to work - completing old issues is a major bonus and I'm glad you learned so much about who you are. You're a great lady.
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