Return of the 2006 rages

There is a turning-the-corner thing that seems to be happening, as indicated by:
- a new prospective Indonesia project
- ending a 2-year program of almost-monthly trips across country
- mom in hospice
- a long-time consulting gig coming to a ragged close
- a major change in dietary practices

Along with these obvious (and converging) signals of change, I'm noticing a high level of anger again - almost at the levels I experienced in the summer of 2006 when the reality of my Mom Project hit home.

The places I notice the anger are small incidents with heightened response. Yesterday I was in a Pottery Barn, and found the 2 perfect-size bowls then had to wait too long in line while clerks chatted with friends and other customers grew antsy and annoyed. Finally got to a clerk who said, "Oh, you can't get 2 bowls, these are priced only for 4 bowls". I banged the bowls down on the counter, said that was ridiculous, and walked out the door. I heard Jeffrey say, "Thank you" to the clerk, and wondered what he was thanking her for - being unwilling to divide by two? Signal: anger with a clerk transferred quickly to my husband.

These little rages don't dissipate quickly. That one ended a pleasant shopping trip on a bad note, and I carried it with me for too long. Later, when trying to deal with my new version of Quicken to get my financial records up to date, I blew up again, and this time was seriously disabled - I shut down the computer, couldn't think of what to do, and was unable to have a rational conversation.

Today I'm cleaning up old files from a conference I've been chairing for 10 years, and found a 2006 conference email that said, in part: "Sorry no time to talk yesterday - making lunch for mom. I had to rescue her on Tuesday (I did the Advisory Board call at a roadside stop)." Another message in that same chain said, "I'm so thrown out of the park by the Advisory Board call that I'm looking to find a conference chairperson who can do the job." Excessive negative response.

It's time to take a deep breath again. These little rages are costly. I am going to take a bag of cornbread stuffing over to the little lake here at Mill Run and feed the ducks and geese. I want to stop being an impending Terrible Two Temper Tantrum, and perhaps can accomplish this by re-connecting to a greater world. Something with feathers.